Three years ago I got a wake up call from my daughter that challenged me to face everything and change my life. To be a man. She told me that as a father, I had failed.
The wake up call came on an ordinary Thursday afternoon in the cluttered vestibule we call the Drop Off. My older daughter Hope was leaving for college. A grown up young woman heading with mixed emotions to RU, 200 miles away and her parents’ alma mater, both physically and emotionally closer to home she would have preferred. Thinking back on it now, there had to be SOMETHING spurring her on (anger) to be blunt with me in a way she had been before. There was one of our typical family squabbles going on. Her pre-pubescent sister Dodie was causing a fuss in her usual manner – foot dragging, sulking, or outright defiance – and my wife Jean, the reliable dispenser of swift justice had called off the fun family outing we’d envisioned. Nobody was going ANYWHERE fun because Dodie had ruined it – again. I let this scenario play out – again. Hope turned to me, looked me squarely in the eyes, and said “You know Dad, you have let us down, again. Mom’s mad, and she has reason to be, but Dodie and I have needed you to take care of us. We’ve needed you to stand up for us. But you haven’t. You just don’t.”
My heart was pierced. Me, a bad father? Could it be???? I had to listen to what she was saying. I knew I needed to DO something. But what? Pay attention. Take care of my girls. But Hope was headed to college – flying the roost. As far as I could tell it was too late for me to change my parenting style and make a difference for her (wrong!), but Dodie was a different story. She was twelve, a budding teenager, a hellion, a ball of fire, the thorn in my wife’s side, a charmer, an award-winning pianist who no longer played, and an accomplished equestrian who was losing interest in staying with THAT passion despite our investments. While the wake up call came from Hope, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had time to change, time to get involved, time to be the man – the father – the Dad that Dodie deserved. I had no idea WHAT to do, but I knew I needed to make a change. Little did I know that it would change my entire life.
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2 comments:
I'm your age, with 2 kids, a wife still here, and a great dog. I didn't get a wake up call. Does that mean I'm still asleep? I think the football bounced right into my hands, for others, it has bounced crazy. You can't control the bounce, only your response. When it bounces right to you, you are expected to do greater things than when recovering it is the goal. It bounced right to me, but I don't think I am doing greater things.
The fact that you are willing to take the risk of putting yourself out there on this blog is a clear indication that you are open to change and willing to look honestly at yourself. Recently, my son wrote me and expressed concern about my drinking. Boy, did I ever listen to that wake up call!! If I do not listen to him, how can I expect him to listen to me? Being sober feels great!!!
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